....if it's me. If I'm just way to serious about a relationship and if that's what makes me terrible with relationships. I could sit and wonder about this all fucking day. I get incredibly annoyed as I see everyone around me in a relationship that has lasted since last year - what the fuck? How did they do it? Why can't I be happy like them.
It's really starting to bother me. I literally sit here all day and wonder what it is I do wrong. I've asked my friends and they say it's just the girls. I really don't understand. I wish someone would come in and just explain to me what it is that I'm doing wrong.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Okay.. C'mon!
Today I was talking to this girl. She told me she liked me, an hour after talking.. She changed her mind - what the fuck?
God I hate women. Reasons why:
1. They can't drive.. Ever.
2. They go off on little stuff.
3. Anytime you want to talk, they don't want to and when they DO want to talk and you don't want to, they flip out.
I really don't like this. It makes me mad. I can't do anything about it though, and I just play along like I know what I'm doing. I don't, of course.
God I hate women. Reasons why:
1. They can't drive.. Ever.
2. They go off on little stuff.
3. Anytime you want to talk, they don't want to and when they DO want to talk and you don't want to, they flip out.
I really don't like this. It makes me mad. I can't do anything about it though, and I just play along like I know what I'm doing. I don't, of course.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
What's This?
As I stroll down the sidewalk nonchalantly, an object catches my attention. Unlike all the other gum stains and pools of water this object doesn't seem to have a purpose. The gum stains lay there for the eye to catch and compute what it sees; a gum stain. The pools of water lay there in wait to catch our foot and soak our shoes, socks and feet. They lay in waiting to be jumped in by small children. Perhaps these items also have no purpose, but never mind that. This object seems to have little purpose, if any. I'm worried that I'm the only one who notices this object, but around the object a crowd gathers to see what this thing is. It's small, copper in colour. On one side a man; on the other a building in which a man sits can be seen at further investigation. I stare at this object. Oblivious to the fact that this is indeed a penny. My years of struggling ended at the site of this penny. The world went in reverse and I flashbacked to the beginning and flashforwaded to the end. With a shudder I forgot the inaminate object and made my way down the sidewalk.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Perhaps the Start of Something New?
As the days go by I find myself with more time to ponder the things around me. I sometimes stop and find myself thinking about girls, something I've come around to see that these thoughts are dangerous to myself and to the people who care about me. It's these thoughts that I find myself pondering day in and day out. Sometimes I look to friends for some help on this matter; however it's these friends that tell me time and time again to not worry and to try and think about other things. Other things..
Anytime I stray from these thoughts of her, I begin to worry if I'm betraying her trust. I try to stay on the topic of her but my mind is left to wander whenever I get distracted. It's sometimes I find myself stuck between "a rock and a hard place" and I begin to wonder just what might happen if I let myself go to far in my mind-wandering. These thoughts of her are what keep my sanity. Talking to her, being with her are what seem to really make me happy; even though I know these things are just an illusion. If there's something I've come to learn it's that this illusion isn't always bad, sometimes it keeps me sane and I'm able to think straight whenever this illusion comes about. I find a since of inner peace and I feel at ease with the world.
I find myself wanting to settle down with one girl in paticular. The thought of her giving me chills and giving me butterflies. I see her driving around in her car looking as beautiful as ever. Her hair flowing in the wind and her smile putting warm thoughts in my head. The same exact feeling I get whilst behind the illusion I live behind. That I choose to live behind.
Anytime I stray from these thoughts of her, I begin to worry if I'm betraying her trust. I try to stay on the topic of her but my mind is left to wander whenever I get distracted. It's sometimes I find myself stuck between "a rock and a hard place" and I begin to wonder just what might happen if I let myself go to far in my mind-wandering. These thoughts of her are what keep my sanity. Talking to her, being with her are what seem to really make me happy; even though I know these things are just an illusion. If there's something I've come to learn it's that this illusion isn't always bad, sometimes it keeps me sane and I'm able to think straight whenever this illusion comes about. I find a since of inner peace and I feel at ease with the world.
I find myself wanting to settle down with one girl in paticular. The thought of her giving me chills and giving me butterflies. I see her driving around in her car looking as beautiful as ever. Her hair flowing in the wind and her smile putting warm thoughts in my head. The same exact feeling I get whilst behind the illusion I live behind. That I choose to live behind.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Last Day; Final Day. Goodbye My Love. Part 2
The Zeppelin slowly passes over. My spotter and I make careful not to be spotted by the oncoming foot soldiers. I prayed to god that we would make it out of here alive as the tanks started to roll in, a few went right over our hiding spot and I caught my breath each time. I can hardly stand the waiting anymore, I either just want to die or get out alive at this point.
Noisily, I move about our hiding spot gathering up my things and tell my spotter he can come with or stay here and rot in the hole. He entergetically gets up and says it's about time that I got up and started doing something. I laugh, I go out first my rifle leveled at the door. I kick the door in and with stealth as my ally, I set off to the horizon.
Since the last time we had been out, three more enemy zeppelins had assumed random positions about the large city. Curios, I look at the biggest one only to find it isn't an attack zeppelin, but a transport zeppelin. Puzzled I look to the other two. My fears are confirmed when I see the other two are bombarding zeppelins and that they are bombarding the adjacent city. I once more pray that I'll make it out alive.
I look to my spotter and we take up into a new "nest." Feeling relatively safe, I pull out my rifle and begin searching about. I kill three stagglers and we procure their ammunition and rifles. Feeling a little better, I eat a Kit-Kat and go into a deep sleep. My dreams have never been good, up until now.. In this forsaken war. I dream of home, my wife and kid, both looking just as good as ever. But both crying, and I see my grave. I awake to hear my spotter saying something about how we should be moving now. I say something and agree with him, startled he looks back at me and apologizes. I start to speak but I'm cut off at the sound of a tank. I lay perfectly still and watch the tank roll through.
We begin to set forth when several men and tanks start to head our way. There's no cover anywhere and the nearest pile of rubble is over a kilometer away. I figure if I'm going to go out now, I'll take them all with me. Suddenly I realize they're turning and going down a different street block. I sigh with relief.
"Sir, with all respect in my mind, your going psycho on me aren't you?" the Corporal says with timidness.
"I would like to say yes and put your fears at ease." I whisper in a monotone. "But I can't lie to you Corporal, I just want to be out of here and back at home with my family."
I watch more shells drop and start forward. I level my rifle and being walking slower. Realizing my mistake of trusting the Corporal I spin quickly only to find three bullet wounds in my leg. In my blind anger, I shoot the man right in the head and fire a round into the Corporal's leg as to get revenge. Many soldiers are heading my way now. I drop to my bad leg and start picking them off. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. I run out of ammo. I draw my sidearm and start shooting again killing three more. I pull out my knife and wait.. The man lunges towards me and I roll out of the way and jump onto his back. Jabbing my knife into his jugular to make sure the kill is clean. I begin to worry about what God will think, then I stop and think to hell with it all and I throw my knife at the last guy hitting him square in the heart.
I start bleeding out and the cold in the air brings about hypothermia. I start to reminesce and being to cry. I remember my wife's last words.
"I'll be waiting for you when you get back dearest." she said. "Goodbye my love."
Aftermath:
Captain John Martin Vay was Killed In Action on August 23rd - a day before his birthday. Corporal Vance Ricardo was Killed in Action August 23rd by his own commanding officer.
The Allied forces retake several parts of the France border, the place where these men fought. The zeppelin the Genesis and her crew were labeled iconic heroes as they destroyed three enemy zeppelins before finally being "lost with all hands."
The Axis powers were disbanded and their territories divided up amongst the Allies. The Axis leaders were executed without fair trial and no one complained. Lastly, it was the war to end all wars.
Captain John Martin Vay's wife, Mrs. Vay, was given her husbands medals, belongings and dog-tags. She was given the full story and with nothing left out. Her husband is now buried in their back yard and their boy is grown up and off engineering medical equipment that could've saved his dad if it had been invented then.
Dedicated to the Fighting Men and Women who have served in any armed conflict. Also dedicated to the Airborne Troops of the 82nd and 101st who numerous times were sent into terrible situtations with which to work with. Lastly it's dedicated to my Great Grandpa who served in the 82nd and was K.I.A on D-Day.
May your soul and body rest in piece Grandpa.
Noisily, I move about our hiding spot gathering up my things and tell my spotter he can come with or stay here and rot in the hole. He entergetically gets up and says it's about time that I got up and started doing something. I laugh, I go out first my rifle leveled at the door. I kick the door in and with stealth as my ally, I set off to the horizon.
Since the last time we had been out, three more enemy zeppelins had assumed random positions about the large city. Curios, I look at the biggest one only to find it isn't an attack zeppelin, but a transport zeppelin. Puzzled I look to the other two. My fears are confirmed when I see the other two are bombarding zeppelins and that they are bombarding the adjacent city. I once more pray that I'll make it out alive.
I look to my spotter and we take up into a new "nest." Feeling relatively safe, I pull out my rifle and begin searching about. I kill three stagglers and we procure their ammunition and rifles. Feeling a little better, I eat a Kit-Kat and go into a deep sleep. My dreams have never been good, up until now.. In this forsaken war. I dream of home, my wife and kid, both looking just as good as ever. But both crying, and I see my grave. I awake to hear my spotter saying something about how we should be moving now. I say something and agree with him, startled he looks back at me and apologizes. I start to speak but I'm cut off at the sound of a tank. I lay perfectly still and watch the tank roll through.
We begin to set forth when several men and tanks start to head our way. There's no cover anywhere and the nearest pile of rubble is over a kilometer away. I figure if I'm going to go out now, I'll take them all with me. Suddenly I realize they're turning and going down a different street block. I sigh with relief.
"Sir, with all respect in my mind, your going psycho on me aren't you?" the Corporal says with timidness.
"I would like to say yes and put your fears at ease." I whisper in a monotone. "But I can't lie to you Corporal, I just want to be out of here and back at home with my family."
I watch more shells drop and start forward. I level my rifle and being walking slower. Realizing my mistake of trusting the Corporal I spin quickly only to find three bullet wounds in my leg. In my blind anger, I shoot the man right in the head and fire a round into the Corporal's leg as to get revenge. Many soldiers are heading my way now. I drop to my bad leg and start picking them off. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. I run out of ammo. I draw my sidearm and start shooting again killing three more. I pull out my knife and wait.. The man lunges towards me and I roll out of the way and jump onto his back. Jabbing my knife into his jugular to make sure the kill is clean. I begin to worry about what God will think, then I stop and think to hell with it all and I throw my knife at the last guy hitting him square in the heart.
I start bleeding out and the cold in the air brings about hypothermia. I start to reminesce and being to cry. I remember my wife's last words.
"I'll be waiting for you when you get back dearest." she said. "Goodbye my love."
Aftermath:
Captain John Martin Vay was Killed In Action on August 23rd - a day before his birthday. Corporal Vance Ricardo was Killed in Action August 23rd by his own commanding officer.
The Allied forces retake several parts of the France border, the place where these men fought. The zeppelin the Genesis and her crew were labeled iconic heroes as they destroyed three enemy zeppelins before finally being "lost with all hands."
The Axis powers were disbanded and their territories divided up amongst the Allies. The Axis leaders were executed without fair trial and no one complained. Lastly, it was the war to end all wars.
Captain John Martin Vay's wife, Mrs. Vay, was given her husbands medals, belongings and dog-tags. She was given the full story and with nothing left out. Her husband is now buried in their back yard and their boy is grown up and off engineering medical equipment that could've saved his dad if it had been invented then.
Dedicated to the Fighting Men and Women who have served in any armed conflict. Also dedicated to the Airborne Troops of the 82nd and 101st who numerous times were sent into terrible situtations with which to work with. Lastly it's dedicated to my Great Grandpa who served in the 82nd and was K.I.A on D-Day.
May your soul and body rest in piece Grandpa.
Political Essay 1 Entitled "Obama So Far Analysis"
First off: The was written the day after the HealthCare Bill was brought to life in Obama's signing of it.
So far Mr. Barack Obama (Obama) has tried to please both parties with the passing of this bill, with great compromise. What he should be worrying about is the average Americans, and the not-so average Americans. This new HealthCare Bill brings about complications for all, and doesn't see to the needs of all of the Americans. Whereas most Republicans, like Sarah Palin (Palin), would try and argue that the bill is completely flawed and was prett much a waste of everyones time. This exact statement is false. The HealthCare Bill, while "incomplete," does need some major fine tuning as to broaden its range of help.
Obama has frequently tried to compromise with the Republicans. Though the Republicans cooperation is largely unneeded in the passing of the Bill; it is well known that the president would like some unity among the two parties. With great compromise, this could be done, however the time needed to do this, is enormous.
Conner M. Stevens
"Opinons on Politics"
So far Mr. Barack Obama (Obama) has tried to please both parties with the passing of this bill, with great compromise. What he should be worrying about is the average Americans, and the not-so average Americans. This new HealthCare Bill brings about complications for all, and doesn't see to the needs of all of the Americans. Whereas most Republicans, like Sarah Palin (Palin), would try and argue that the bill is completely flawed and was prett much a waste of everyones time. This exact statement is false. The HealthCare Bill, while "incomplete," does need some major fine tuning as to broaden its range of help.
Obama has frequently tried to compromise with the Republicans. Though the Republicans cooperation is largely unneeded in the passing of the Bill; it is well known that the president would like some unity among the two parties. With great compromise, this could be done, however the time needed to do this, is enormous.
Conner M. Stevens
"Opinons on Politics"
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Last Day, Final Day. Goodbye My Love. Part 1
Last Day, Final Day. Goodbye My Love. Part 1
It’s my last day here on the front. Soon I’ll be heading home to smell of ripe fruit and the sounds of family that take me back to my place of happiness. Bombshells being to explode around me bringing me back to reality. I cuss under my breath and say a quick prayer in hopes to stay alive for the rest of this day; my final day. I see a man running towards my position, three consecutive shots and he’s down and out. I pause and wait for another, but none come. I look up towards the sky to see our zeppelin engaged with the enemy’s. I pray to god that ours will still be there whilst I look back up there. I shut my eyes and go back to my childhood. All the arguments I had with my family, the pain I went through with my brother, long now deceased. Another explosion sounds in the distance, puzzled I look to my spotter.
“Corporal, what’s going on?”
He replies with only a shrug. Worried I tell him to watch downfield. Thankfully he obeys and reports that nothing is coming, but there’s a great deal of debris. He points something out, I look to it and realize that it is some of our guys taking cover behind the debris. One tosses a grenade. The grenade goes off and they jump over the debris to kill the survivors. Suddenly, enemy shells rain down all around me, I see the men at the debris be ripped apart by the sheer cataclysm of explosions. I black out.
“John. John wake up! Sir, wake up!!” the Corporal shakes me and repeats this a few times before I regain control of myself and my extremities.
“Corporal.. What the hell happened?” I asked as I groaned of the pain in my side.
“We took two at the base of building. I dragged you to our new ‘nest’ here.” the Corporal replies in a somewhat calm tone. Keeping me at ease.
“I see, what all do we still have?” I ask, but the Corporal is cut off as more shells rain down here and there.
I look up to see our zeppelin, Genesis, go down in flames as the enemy zeppelin raises altitude to go over its burning wreckage. The enemy’s zeppelin beings to rain down fire upon the city. I realize all hope is lost. In the distance I can see battalions of enemys coming in from their previous locations.
(To be continued…)
It’s my last day here on the front. Soon I’ll be heading home to smell of ripe fruit and the sounds of family that take me back to my place of happiness. Bombshells being to explode around me bringing me back to reality. I cuss under my breath and say a quick prayer in hopes to stay alive for the rest of this day; my final day. I see a man running towards my position, three consecutive shots and he’s down and out. I pause and wait for another, but none come. I look up towards the sky to see our zeppelin engaged with the enemy’s. I pray to god that ours will still be there whilst I look back up there. I shut my eyes and go back to my childhood. All the arguments I had with my family, the pain I went through with my brother, long now deceased. Another explosion sounds in the distance, puzzled I look to my spotter.
“Corporal, what’s going on?”
He replies with only a shrug. Worried I tell him to watch downfield. Thankfully he obeys and reports that nothing is coming, but there’s a great deal of debris. He points something out, I look to it and realize that it is some of our guys taking cover behind the debris. One tosses a grenade. The grenade goes off and they jump over the debris to kill the survivors. Suddenly, enemy shells rain down all around me, I see the men at the debris be ripped apart by the sheer cataclysm of explosions. I black out.
“John. John wake up! Sir, wake up!!” the Corporal shakes me and repeats this a few times before I regain control of myself and my extremities.
“Corporal.. What the hell happened?” I asked as I groaned of the pain in my side.
“We took two at the base of building. I dragged you to our new ‘nest’ here.” the Corporal replies in a somewhat calm tone. Keeping me at ease.
“I see, what all do we still have?” I ask, but the Corporal is cut off as more shells rain down here and there.
I look up to see our zeppelin, Genesis, go down in flames as the enemy zeppelin raises altitude to go over its burning wreckage. The enemy’s zeppelin beings to rain down fire upon the city. I realize all hope is lost. In the distance I can see battalions of enemys coming in from their previous locations.
(To be continued…)
It May be Finally Time to Call it Quits
It May be Finally Time to Call it Quits
Being in the Army really changed the perspective of the world. I learned to love life and live it to its fullest potential. I remember all the sacrifices made by myself and friends, so that my children and wife would never have to go through - what I went through. “To Hell and Back” was our company motto. I came around to believe that was exactly what we were doing. Each time I killed a man I thought it well to ask for forgiveness from god. Until I saw my friends torn apart by shrapnel, I never once looked to god after that. It may be turning my back on my upbringings, but my upbringings turned their back on me when my friends were taken from me. I’ll never learn to forget and forgive. I will always remember the sacrifices. I will never forgive my commanding officers ignorance. I’ve settled down now though, and - it may be finally time to call it quits.
Being in the Army really changed the perspective of the world. I learned to love life and live it to its fullest potential. I remember all the sacrifices made by myself and friends, so that my children and wife would never have to go through - what I went through. “To Hell and Back” was our company motto. I came around to believe that was exactly what we were doing. Each time I killed a man I thought it well to ask for forgiveness from god. Until I saw my friends torn apart by shrapnel, I never once looked to god after that. It may be turning my back on my upbringings, but my upbringings turned their back on me when my friends were taken from me. I’ll never learn to forget and forgive. I will always remember the sacrifices. I will never forgive my commanding officers ignorance. I’ve settled down now though, and - it may be finally time to call it quits.
Betrayal
Betrayal
Something you can’t define, as how you are; but how you feel. You can’t stop it from happening and it’s unfair. It changes you, your life and your way of thinking. Externally, you say you’ll never betray anyone. But deep down you know you will and already have. You look to the stars and scream - “WHY!?” – never to receive an answer. You want to change it all, and go back to the beginning; the genesis of your life. Your innocence is being torn apart by guilt of betrayal. Fight through it and learn from your mistakes, don’t make them twice or you’ll truly be bereft of life.
Something you can’t define, as how you are; but how you feel. You can’t stop it from happening and it’s unfair. It changes you, your life and your way of thinking. Externally, you say you’ll never betray anyone. But deep down you know you will and already have. You look to the stars and scream - “WHY!?” – never to receive an answer. You want to change it all, and go back to the beginning; the genesis of your life. Your innocence is being torn apart by guilt of betrayal. Fight through it and learn from your mistakes, don’t make them twice or you’ll truly be bereft of life.
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