This is how I feel.

I'm fucking angry all the time. Why am I angry all the time? No matter how hard I try I'll never be good enough for anyone. I'll always be to nice, or just someone who is a good friend. If I wanted to be friends I wouldn't try so damn hard for you to notice me. I hate everyone. Especially people I have to be in contact with. Their unintellectual thoughts drives me insane - fuck them. Fuck them and fuck what they think, but I have to be nice to them. I'm in constant contact with them and I hate it. Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just fucking quit playing the game anymore? It doesn't bring me joy and I'm certainly not gaining much other than I stay physically ahead of everyone else. Their antagonist approach towards me leads me to believe that I'm an outcast. An abnormality in their social network. Then kill me, kick me off the team and fucking put me out of my misery. If I wanted to be unhappy I'd seclude myself and live in the past.

Sometimes, I'm happy though. I get a burst of excitement and I want be free. To taste the salty air once again and go back home, curl up by the fireplace and reminisce about times I'd like to go back to. The only honest thing that brings me anymore joy anymore is silence. The moment just before falling asleep where nothing stirs and all I can hear is my ragged breaths as I struggle to get enough air.

I need help that can't be administered. That isn't a pill to take daily and it isn't something you can place a amount on. It's not love. I don't want love, I despise sympathy. I want want you leave me alone and go away. Let me live my life peacefully and slither back to whence you came.

Your beliefs..

..don't matter. No ones beliefs matter anymore. We're spoon fed what others want us to believe and know. Enough is enough. Just fucking give up and stop. Look at where you are now. Are you happy? Probably not. Go find something to occupy your thought process and believe everything that is spoon fed to you. Life will be easy, and no one will question you.

On the other hand. Life sucks. Go find a way to make it suck less. Get a girlfriend, or a boyfriend. Find someone who you can argue with without the argument becoming an unintelligent, shouting match. Watch your life become better and realize that all you had to was get off your ass and do something for once you lazy ass person. Quit reading this blog and go outside. Run a mile. THAT'S THE NATURAL HIGH. Go do it. I dare you.

Is this..

..even fucking real anymore? Is how I feel even real? I thought I liked this girl, she's awesome, but I'm constantly trying to get her to notice me. Why do I have to try so hard when everyone around me can just snap their fingers and have five girls there ready to hand out their virginity to the asshole. I'm the fucking nice guy! Why do I try so hard? Do I even fucking care, or am I just trying to find something else to fill my time? Why does it even fucking matter? Why do I fucking care? Who knows, or gives a shit.

I look for guidance. I play World of Warcraft to fill my time. I go and play Ultimate and wish I could get drunk out there with them. I just do that shit at home, get drunk and fuck up from the comfort of my home. What's my problem anyways? Is it caring to much, or not enough? I wish I knew, I wish someone else knew. Fucking tell me what's wrong with me so I can have a good time like everyone else. I'm just venting anger now. Trying to find purpose like every other person out here. I found that I hate religion more than anything. Every time it comes up, I get angry and I hate that person. FUCK RELIGION. Just another way to hide behind things better left untouched and unspoken. Fuck you and fuck your beliefs. Go home, and find something real to hold onto and leave my sorry ass alone.

I''m constantly..

..looking for love.
Like soldiers -
look for something to fight for.
Like burglars -
look for a place to steal from.

I'd like to be done.
To stop wandering down this path.
I'll wander forever -
down a road unknown.
Just let me be and give me direction.
Thank you kindly stranger -
for being there at a moments notice.