As the days go by I find myself with more time to ponder the things around me. I sometimes stop and find myself thinking about girls, something I've come around to see that these thoughts are dangerous to myself and to the people who care about me. It's these thoughts that I find myself pondering day in and day out. Sometimes I look to friends for some help on this matter; however it's these friends that tell me time and time again to not worry and to try and think about other things. Other things..
Anytime I stray from these thoughts of her, I begin to worry if I'm betraying her trust. I try to stay on the topic of her but my mind is left to wander whenever I get distracted. It's sometimes I find myself stuck between "a rock and a hard place" and I begin to wonder just what might happen if I let myself go to far in my mind-wandering. These thoughts of her are what keep my sanity. Talking to her, being with her are what seem to really make me happy; even though I know these things are just an illusion. If there's something I've come to learn it's that this illusion isn't always bad, sometimes it keeps me sane and I'm able to think straight whenever this illusion comes about. I find a since of inner peace and I feel at ease with the world.
I find myself wanting to settle down with one girl in paticular. The thought of her giving me chills and giving me butterflies. I see her driving around in her car looking as beautiful as ever. Her hair flowing in the wind and her smile putting warm thoughts in my head. The same exact feeling I get whilst behind the illusion I live behind. That I choose to live behind.
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